“Did my wanting for freedom end us?”
A message to her…
My darling, “us” ended long ago and you’ve been trying to search for yourself since. Lost in never ending cycles, trying to bring back what once was when all along it was never to be. Just another acquaintance, a person who validated “what I want” and “what I don’t want” for my life. As much as you wished for that person to be your forever, It wasn’t meant to be. Instead it was the knowledge, wisdom and experience that you would gain that would stay with you forever.
I know you’re tired of trying to hold onto things that cannot be held, trying to control what cannot be controlled. I Know your mind is going a million miles per hour to the point where you feel mentally and emotionally drained.
I know you’re tired of denying yourself what you want and what you deserve purely on the basis that you fear of breaking things that cannot be fixed. You’re trying to glue back the pieces to something that was broken long ago. I can see you sitting there dissecting yourself, rummaging through that mind and heart of yours as you try to understand where you went wrong; is there something wrong with me ? was I never good enough? was I asking for too much? where’s that simple love? am I selfish for asking for time, for space, for freedom? am I not worth the amount of love that I deserve? Endless questions with no answers, more uncertainty than clarity, but the truth of the matter is, if things are not meant to be fixed then they will break no matter what we do.
Maybe this year has been about losing yourself, maybe it’s about searching rather than having an answer. Maybe it’s not as simple as saying you failed. You just needed to shift your vision and see the world from a different lens, from a different place or even a humble ground. Maybe it’s not as easy as saying you had your heart broken. You just needed to have more time for yourself, and learn to know what it was like to fall in love with your own warmth again. Maybe this year you needed to learn more about giving back to yourself rather than believing that you’re stuck. Stuck in a predicament that you struggle to comprehend why. Maybe right now your pain and struggle isn’t the enemy, but rather all that happened has been an opportunity. An opportunity where you would learn to accept to redefine who ‘YOU ARE’, what you’ve done and who you’re learning to become. Maybe as hardship stands at your door, it’s not asking to be invited int your home but instead asking you to face the world alongside with it and grow.
Do not be afraid to sore through this world alone, be fearless enough to break out of norms, and allow your presence to be seen and heard. Let it stain the lives of everyone it touches, through your originality, love, humbleness, creativity, authenticity and freshness. Sore through that sky as you sing your life. Let it seep from above and straight into our hearts as it soothes our minds and gives it rest. Your angelic voice and being is one the world should see and is yet to see. Yourself depends on no one else but YOU. It’s calling your name, more now than ever, it’s calling you back home.
“You need a bit of insanity to do great things” — your mind is an endless wonderland
A new chapter is only around the corner and not every character in your novel makes it to the next chapter but let me tell you, that will only make room for new people; like minded individuals who will only bring out the best in you !
Think about it ….
“I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.” ― Kahlil Gibran, The Madman
